In recovery, the first step is to admit powerlessness; powerlessness over alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, whatever your hang-up may be. You give over any expectation of managing it on your own. I won't go into the sordid story of how I came to be a physician in recovery, at least not in this installment. The synopsis is I gave up [read: I was forced out of] a rather prestigious and influential position and had to go looking for something else. Few are the health care organizations that will consider hiring a doctor early on in his or her recovery, and perhaps rightly so. You may get a wonderful care-giver with an unusual sense of humility and a renewed vitality that only a fresh start can provide. Or you may get a horrific relapse with all the consequent debauchery. I fully expected to have work outside of medicine until I put together an extended period of sober time. Surprisingly, I found a job right off. The company was growing fast and glad to have me. The pay was quite a bit less than average, to which I attributed the position's availability. I soon learned that low pay is just the tip of the ice berg. As I said, step one is all about powerlessness. Letting go of your ego and accepting your place. As painful as it sometimes is, I have accepted that this is where I need to be, at least for the moment. Indeed, this is where I was meant to be. Fortunately, my new job is ripe with fascinating stories. Did I say fascinating: I meant incredible. Hilarious! Tragic. The stuff of truly interesting reading, if I can manage to convey events in a form that does them justice. That is what this blog is for. It's a forum for getting the stories out. It is also, I hope, a way for me to put my life, and this turn it has taken, into perspective. I truly can't wait to see what follows. I hope that you come to feel the same.
