Indulgence

This morning I was listening to a radio program commemorating International Women's Day. The host was interviewing an expert on family leave law and comparing the family leave situation as it stands in the US to other industrialized nations. For the most part, we compare pretty miserably. What followed was more reporting on face-offs between state governments and unions over the possible demise of collective bargaining, and all of the other cuts in services that are likely to follow, especially in federally mandated services like Medicaid. Emotionally, I guess I was already primed for a bit of a tailspin. Note to self: don't listen to NPR on the way to a job interview. Consider instead House of Pain or something.

So I may not have been in the right frame of mind to listen to the CEO of my would be employer explain the structure of his business to me. Apparently he has a holding company that controls: a) a home health agency; b) a visiting physician company; c) a medical supply company; and d) an intermediary group that is contracting with the Department of Aging to evaluate the health care needs of all seniors in a geographic region coincident with that served by the rest of his concerns. Second note to self: in the middle of a job interview it probably doesn't pay to suggest to your interviewer that he seems to be engaged in unethical business behavior; and then when he looks at you quizzically, expand on your statement. I might have concluded that it was a testament to my impressive qualifications and sharp skills of analysis and debate that he offered the job to me anyway, IF they had not just last week hired a physician that been fired by The Company (my current employer). Zing!!!

Earlier in the day, I was told by a chipper endodontist that I was looking at 6 root canals on teeth jogged lose during my bike accident. She had to keep track of my bad teeth on her fingers, there were so many of them. Okay, I'm making that part up. I spent the rest of the day after my interview looking at the world rather pessimistically. My attitude was all: "so this is the world we live in." Everyone on that bus is overweight. I am surrounded by adds for cigarettes and luxury items like iPads while we as individuals and our nation as a whole fall further into debt. Our schools are a joke. Nothing happens on time. The past president of our county board is filing for unemployment insurance because he lost the election. The patina of salt from the road is eating away at the underside of my car. In short, we are awash in the consequences of terrible decisions and all we want to do is continue indulging. Then something in my mind changed and I was struck by the notion that our nation needs recovery. Just as I require a radical revision in my world view in order to keep me from taking my next drink or drug, our culture needs a fresh perspective on our collective problems. Is such a thing possible? I have no idea. But the reminder that, if nothing else, real recovery is a viable option for me, allowed me to find balance. And the juxtaposition of the possibility of personal recovery with the entrenched problems of society--this centered me because it served as a reminder that the problems of the world are not my concern. My own well being must come first. Peace without must necessarily follow peace within. I recall vividly when, during college, I heard the Dalai Lama make this point. It seemed preposterous that the world should wait on each of us to clean house before we go to work for the greater good. Now, after so much pain and personal wreckage, it seems far less preposterous.